Last Hurrah

Lots to catch up on here. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with what I’d like to post and how that will likely end. It is common for me to intend to post something, even start that post, then promptly decide I do not have the time to finish it. Let’s just say I have quite a few “drafts” in my queue.

So, I’m going to be crazy and go chronologically, even though it probably means I’ll burn out half-way through and you will not read anything about Casey’s time with the girls or Haley’s birthday. Sad, I know.

Over a week ago now, I flew to Rhode Island for a “Four Sisters” reunion.

Over Christmas, my sister, M, commented that we three sisters near each other should all go to RI to visit our “far away” sis before she and I had our babies and she relocated to who-knows-where after her hubby’s post-doc. position ended this summer. Little did we know at that time that K and A would be accepting another position even farther away in GERMANY!

So it worked out so perfectly that we had already planned a “last hurrah” before we were aware of the subsequent move to Germany. (Side note: at Christmas, I had expressed to Casey my desire to be part of this, referring to it as a “last chance” trip. This term was very bothersome to him until I clarified that once I give birth, I am essentially “chained”—not the most positive descriptor, but a very true one, given my lack of pumping giftedness—to my baby for at least six months at which time I may be able to leave for even a few hours, and it would be at least a year before I would be able to leave overnight or for several nights. Case and I have both flown/traveled enough with little ones to know it would almost not be worth such a trip if I were to take a baby. Two of us sisters were expecting, but none of us had tiny babies, and that may not happen again for awhile. Add the fact that where Karin currently lives is quite beautiful and fresh and exciting to those of us westerners, and Case began to see that I did not mean “last chance” literally, as in, we-sisters-will-never-be-able-to-see-each-other-again-if-we-don’t-do-it-now, but rather that we should seize the moment while the timing was as perfect as it was.)

So, I hopped my pregnant self onto a plane on Thursday afternoon (With only about a dozen comments/questions on my “state”—thankfully, Southwest has no actual policy on flying while prego—just that they “discourage it” within 14 days of the due date. In the days leading up to the trip, I had several people ask if the airline would “let me” on the plane.)

Karin and my other sisters who had flown in earlier from Denver came to pick me up and take us to our hotel. What followed was a great four days of catching up, sight-seeing and taking it easy (for some of us—Kar was still wife, homemaker and mom for the weekend, although “abbreviated:)”, and Deb was also momming it with her 10 month old, but I believe we all felt some amount of relaxation). I did feel spoiled as the one who was told to put her feet up, while Kar--also expecting--swept, made meals, washed dishes, and cared for us, her home and family. Deb and M pitched in while I lifted my cankles (seriously—I have never had such swelling—good thing I am now back to real life! It may just be dangerous to have so much fun!).

It was a wonderful few days together. I can’t believe how quickly it was over, and how long ago it seems now. I am thankful for my hubby’s insistence on taking a day and a half of vacation to care for the girls so I could go for longer than a weekend. That would have been ENTIRELY too short, with all the travel time involved. As it turned out, caring for the girls was just one of several things he did while I was gone, to my delight (and astonishment!) That post will have to wait till later, though.

Taking me to the airport. Sandy, I don’t think it was you—I think Claire just gets tired enough at this time of day that she’ll fall asleep in the car. She wasn’t awake to see me off, either!

My sis loved this sign.

My meal at the Wharf Tavern. Yum. My nephew Alan is in the background.

On the wharf after dinner. All hazy and romantic. Those first couple days, I could not see a flaw in ANYTHING in RI! Soon enough, I did begin to notice that they, too, have things like litter and bugs and such. The scenery is so different than what I see every day. So naturally, I saw it as beautiful.

Saturday, Karin’s church put on a ladies tea, so we joined in the girliness.

We enjoyed great sandwiches at the Newport Creamery (Yes, Brian. That’s in Newport.)

M. at the walk in Newport (I don’t remember what it was called, K!) overlooking the Atlantic ocean. All that way, and none of us put so much as one hairy little toe into the water.

Karin (middle) is also prego. Due end of July.

My three beautiful sisters in front of the gate at The Breakers in Newport.

We celebrated “little” Alan’s birthday the day I left. Possibly a very rare occasion for his aunties to be able to celebrate w/him.

This boy was entirely too clean for having eaten chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Very methodical and careful. Where are the fun pics in that?!

Okay, already 3 days have passed since I started this post, so I’m going to post one more pic and call it good. I’m leaving out so much, but oh, well.

Right before Karin took me to the airport, M took this belly shot of us. Karin is 30 weeks exactly in this pic, and I am 32 weeks exactly.

Un Random Update

Just a little about things going on around here lately. . .

We now have 5 new trees growing in our backyard. Wish we'd had them planted when we first moved here. They might've given us some shade by now!

I'm looking most forward to enjoying the globe willow's shade in a couple years.

This evening marks when we FINALLY turned on the air conditioning. Case (is every man like this?) had a goal to make it to May 1 before we resorted to cooling ourselves by such means. Before the crazy cold snap last week, we were laying under ceiling fans as the thermostat registered 84+ degrees. I actually welcomed last week's freezing rain. (But not so much the 90 mph winds that drove piles of fine dust through our closed windows.)

We had class 8 tonight (Bradley), so we thought it would be nice to let our almost-due couples have a cool environment in which to learn about variations of labor and possible complications. (Want to watch a cesarean video in an 80+ degree room, anyone?) One of our students had just witnessed her first labor (not hers--her first to witness) and told us a great story of prodromal labor . . . ending in the unmedicated birth of a healthy baby! I'm excited to hear more.

Let's see. . . last Thursday, the girls and I made it to an unofficial church play date at a local business that is like a coffee shop and a play place in one. We've been there a couple times. The girls really love it. I don't think the business will last long--we've been some of the only customers when we're there--but it is such a great idea. I really want to support them as long as they're open.
Over the weekend, we made our family pilgrimage to Costco (I don't know how I've talked Case into coming to help me with the shopping here several times now. I think I might be throwing my weight around. . . or maybe just my belly.)
These girls. . . I guess it's too much to ask that they all look my direction and like they are not homeless and drugged. Yikes, I really need to do their hair before setting out in public. A hat can only hide so much. (This is the tip of Haley's cheesiness iceberg.)

Case and I had the special treat of going on a quick dinner date Saturday while a couple from church watched the girls for us. It was a treat for the girls as well-- they got their nails painted and got to play with another little girl AND a puppy! They were disappointed to find that the couple was not sleeping over.
This has been a spoiling week for the girls--on Monday they had another couple friends come over to play and then on Tues, we went as a family to dinner at an acquaintance's home. She's the one who has given birth on the same day as have I the last two times. Claire and J are exactly the same age, as are Haley and D! They have 3 boys and have recently discovered they expect another baby in October. Claire asked if we'd have our babies the same day again, and I told her I really hoped we didn't this time!

This family was so gracious. Claire threw a HUGE tantrum outside where the dads had taken the children as we cleaned up dinner, and the other father was extremely understanding. Case and I had wondered how he and the husband would fare in conversation, since many of Casey's interests/hobbies and job all have to do with technology (and, dare I say, violence?!) and as Mennonites, they have little to do with such things. Well, I think Claire's fit may have just brought them together on a point of commonality . . . to our surprise, they struggle with similar things with their oldest. We laughed that if they hadn't said anything, we would have never known, and the dad very humbly said, "Well, you've caught us at a good time." We went on to have several hours of great conversation.

Speaking of our fiesty fit-thrower, Case let Claire play in her room tonight while Ruby sat in on our class. He forgot to turn off her light, and we found her asleep on the floor next to her toys. So sweet. And yes, it's times like these when I wonder, can she really throw such out-of-control fits? Surely not THIS girl.
In other news, I am 30+ weeks and getting bigger by the moment. Today, at Ruby's dance class I was asked (again) if I was having twins. . . which sparked a conversation with two ladies in their 70's who each told me about their twin births, one with the traditional "knock-em-out, drag-em-out" (as Dr. Bradley put it) method, the other whose Dr. hypnotized her. Very different. It is funny how many twin stories I have heard since sporting a large belly. More than I have ever heard before (even though I've had a pretty large belly at some point each time).

Here's a little trivia for you: I personally know 3 different people (not the above ladies--they both knew beforehand) who either had or were undiagnosed twins (as in, they didn't know there were twins till the first baby was out and/or the second baby was being born). I'm not saying that means I'm having twins . . . I'm just sayin'. . . it isn't exactly unheard of.

Anyway, I'm not always asked if I'm having twins, but it is a normal suggestion/question when people find out how much longer I have to go. But that's with strangers, mainly. With those who know me, I get the entirely too brief, "Wow, Sarah." or "When was it that you said you were due?" I get it, guys. I'm huge.
Last midwife appointment (we're down to every 2 weeks now--really closing in!) I measured 33 weeks--only 4 weeks ahead, instead of 5, so the gap is closing, rather than widening. I have another appointment tomorrow, which I purposely scheduled for when my MIL is in town (as in, immediately after she flies in--sorry, Sandy!). Hopefully, my blood pressure will be back to normal. It's been high (for me) the last two appointments (114/60 at 29 weeks) and I have a hunch that sans children, we'll get a lower reading.
Incidentally, in all of my appointments where I follow behind another prego woman or one follows me, I am the only woman who comes to appointments without a husband (or whatever). Seriously, what do these women's husband's do? If Case took off every time I had an appointment, we wouldn't have any family leave time for him to take when I REALLY need him--after the baby's born and my family help is gone. I think my midwives might find the fact that I come without him a little puzzling and concerning, but it just isn't feasible for him to burn up several hours of family leave for each appointment. Anyone else have this experience? Is this a home birth thing, or do most couples consider it "thier" midwife/doctor appointment, and go together? Are we just too practical? I know I'd enjoy it on this side, but I'm sure I'd regret it when he only has a day or two he can stay home with us after #4 arrives.

Contractions are getting stronger. For the last few weeks, it has been pretty normal to have an evening with fairly regular contractions every 5 minutes (some evenings, every 10 minutes) for 5 hours or so. They usually kick in around dinner time and die down by 11ish. Some days, like yesterday, I have strong contractions all day (not as close, though). I'm having them very strong and less than 5 min apart now for the last 1/2 hour, so I'm going to call it a day. Relaxation practice awaits!

The Twin Scare that Wasn't (and Didn't)

Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. My twin scare that was neither twins, nor a scare, discuss. (For the benefit of those of you who know the old SNL skits to which I refer).

Where to start with this. . . I could go dramatic and say that for 2 days this week, I was expecting twins. Sounds fun. Let's go with that.

On Tuesday, I had an appointment with one of my midwives. Casey and I had discussed over the last week that my ever-increasing wondering about twins needed to come to a close one way or another. See, I've been wondering since I got prego--steadily increasing this wondering till an hour wouldn't pass where I hadn't thought, "Is it two in there? What's going on in there?" Before I go on, let me make it clear: it was not wishful thinking that made me wonder about twins--I have never wanted twins (save for maybe when I was a little girl and wanted to be a soldier and a ballerina and a teacher and a nurse and a police officer and a farmer and have 10 kids and several sets of twins). And I readily admit it is completely irrational for someone in my situation to give a second thought to the possibility. I am aware enough of this that for most of you, the fact that I have wondered for so long is probably a surprise. I have not exactly advertised my craziness. In all, I have only told a handful of people about my wondering.

Case observed (rightly) that even if I asked my midwife to try to find two babies or two heartbeats, I would not be satisfied if she was not able to. I had already spent the past 5-6 months trying to convince myself how ridiculous and irrational it was for me to give twins a second thought, yet I could not convince myself fully that it could not be twins. So if they couldn't feel/find another baby, it was not likely that that alone would quell my thoughts in the twin direction. Seeing would be believing, we decided.

So, Tuesday, I begged her to please put me out of my mental misery by ordering an ultrasound. I explained to her that I was not worried about twins, just wondered about the possibility constantly. For every reason I could find why it couldn't be twins (don't run in the family, we've never used any hormone-altering birth control or fertility help), I could find a reason why it could be (maybe they do run in our family and we just don't know, lots of people who have had twins have had very low chances of doing so). Anyway, I could not get my feelings and thoughts to agree, and I needed it to stop. I wanted to set my expectations one way or the other. She gladly pulled out an ultrasound order and began filling it out.

We discussed what twins would mean for our birth plans, then commenced our usual prenatal visit. I was 27 weeks, 1 day. My uterus measured 32 cm (as in, 32 weeks), and she said she was being conservative in that measurement. In palpating, she thought she might be feeling 2 heads--one down low and one up high. She mentioned that babies' bottoms often feel as hard as heads at this point, but that she would be ordering an ultrasound even if I hadn't requested one, because she, too, wondered if I could be carrying twins.

I was shocked to hear this. "Are you just saying that to make me feel like I'm not crazy?" I asked. We had a short discussion on the fact that it may not be twins, but two babies could easily fit/be in this belly. She explained how they might be situated if there were two.

She mentioned that she's sent people in for ultrasounds to rule out twins before, and it was just one, but to schedule the ultrasound sooner rather than later and to go ahead and up my protein intake in the meantime. As I packed up our stuff to head out, she asked, "Are you okay?" I was. I was surprised that my inklings could be true, but I was not freaking out about the possibility of twins. After all, I had been mindful of this possibility from the first weeks of our pregnancy. I told her I was fine and I looked forward to finally knowing for certain one way or the other.

For the next two days, we waited. It was not difficult. In fact, it was comforting to know that on Thursday, we'd be able to move one direction or the other. Casey set the tone of expectant waiting--we knew there was one baby. Let's not plan on there being two until we know for sure. So, those two days were weird, but not agonizing. I still wondered every few minutes, but assured myself with the upcoming appointment--I would soon know for sure! The midwives must have been concerned about the limbo we were in, because they each called on Wednesday to see how I/we were doing processing things. I told them we were alright, just waiting to see. I did ask the other midwife what she thought about the possibility. She said she was curious and if it wasn't too much trouble, she'd like me to call her cell phone after the ultrasound.

Thursday came, and I was overly excited about the ultrasound. Funny, what seemed (and was) routine with a couple other pregnancies was a huge privilege and treat with this one. To be able to see my baby and know the gender would be so exciting. To find out if it was two babies would be very practical! I readied myself, dressing up and putting on my contacts and make-up--things I only do on "special" occasions.

The girls and I met Casey at the office and we all went in to see what was in my belly. The sonographer looked around and asked if we wanted to know the gender. We answered that since we were there, we might as well find out. She said, "It's a boy."

I got teary for a second. I didn't realize I would get emotional about the gender announcement. Right away, she proclaimed, "It's just one baby."

After all Casey's and my discussions on the issue, and our certainty that an ultrasound would be THE THING to do the trick and give my mind a kick in the proverbial pants, what came out of my mouth surprised both of us: "Are you sure? Did you look everywhere? Is there any way one could be hiding? Would you look around really thoroughly? Is there a chance you could miss one?"

She calmly stated that it was very unlikely--and there weren't many places to look. For the rest of the ultrasound, I was in a surreal state. I could not believe that I would not believe her! I walked out of there praying, "God, please let this news sink in. Please let it only be a couple nights of sleeping on it before I can fully accept that it really is only one baby in there." I imagine this may be similar to what a woman who has just found out she's having twins and had not considered the possibility of twins may experience--only in the other direction. It may have to sink in for a few days for her to grasp and fully believe it. I hoped that it would be a matter of time before I "knew" I was having a singleton.

That next night, I told Casey that even though I wasn't 100% convinced still, having had the ultrasound helped me to better understand the movements I felt. He's breech right now, and that may be why I feel a lot of movement up high as well as down low. I'll have to check my records to see if the girls were head-down at this point.

As the days have gone by, I have become more and more comfortable with the idea that I am feeling one baby and that it is only one baby in there. But there is a small percentage of me that will accept that it is one baby when he is born and a placenta follows. . . not another baby. But I'm okay with that. I can live with that. Believe it or not, I do not consider that crazy. Crazy is what I was (or may have been). Mostly sane is what I am now. I joked with Casey over dinner the night of the ultrasound that the next test I'd be requiring is an MRI of my brain!

For now, I can interpret baby's movements in a more rational way--perhaps he is more active than the girls were, or active in a different way, I don't know. There has been something about this pregnancy that seems different. Perhaps it is just that I am carrying a boy. Perhaps it is something more. Time will tell.

He may have had a major growth spurt and by next appointment, I'll be measuring more around my actual dates again. I measured one week ahead in March, but I've probably done that at some point with every pregnancy. I have not, however, measured 5 weeks ahead before. Has anyone else measured so much bigger out-of-the-blue like that? What was the reason for you?

It was comforting to know there is an explanation for feeling huge and crowded already. I have outgrown many of my maternity tops because my belly sticks out so far. People are still commenting: "Are you ready?" and "Any day now!" I feel silly telling them I'm not even in the 3rd trimester yet! When I tell them July, they look at me like I accidentally said July when I really meant something else. This is not helping in the mental corralling of my thoughts, let me tell you! Even so, looking big is not such a concern--I know my abs are shot. Measuring big is weird, though, because according to my midwives, I have very good tone in my uterus for my fourth pregnancy. It makes it hard for them to palpate. (There is a good explanation for good tone in the uterus and not in the abs--the uterus is an involuntary muscle which has kept itself in great shape all these years. My abs are voluntary muscles and I have not volunteered them for much of anything these past few years.)

So, just for fun, I'll give you the "facts" we discovered at the ultrasound. We take these with a grain of salt, as ultrasound is not an exact science. Measurements are estimates and not very reliable. With that caveat: Amniotic fluid is not the reason I measured big--it was at 19 cm. Anywhere from 10-20 is considered normal. My uterus measured at 30 weeks, 6 days, and baby looked to be 3 lb, 4 oz. Ultrasound is less and less accurate for predicting due dates the farther along you are, so I don't think my midwives will be messing with the due date. And ultrasound has been known to be off by a pound or more (in either direction, actually!). We did see a pretty obvious boy part. The gender was the easy part to believe.

To my dismay, they gave us only 5 pictures, and none of them were good. When she was doing the 4D part, he kept covering his face with his arm. Our other 4D ultrasounds haven't been very pretty, since the girls were around 20 weeks and all skin-and-bones. I had hoped this ultrasound would be cuter, since he'd be fatter, but he wasn't very cooperative. Guess we'll have to wait to see his face till he's out!

At any rate, it could be that I'm just carrying a boy, and that is why so many things seem and feel so different. He could be a big boy, as my mom had big boys and small girls, and Casey and his brother were both over 9 lb. (Edited: Oops! Guess Case was over 9 and Corey was slightly under.) I think my mom had almost a 4 lb difference between her smallest girl and her biggest boy (I'll let you fill in the specifics, Mom, as I don't remember--Mom says 3 1/4 lb difference). Though I do not mind having a big boy, I do hope he will not be a whole 4 lb bigger than Ruby was. I'm not excited about the idea of giving birth to a baby over 11 lb. But 9 or even 10 lb. would be okay. I'm up for that.