Friday, September 24, 2010

The Herd Overheard

I’ll start off with a few things I wrote down years ago, when Ruby was little and I started hearing myself say some pretty absurd things.  (Sadly for these posts, I have since gotten used to saying these strange things and don’t think of writing them down anymore.)

To Ruby (21 months), while in the grocery store: “Please don’t write on the celery.”  --11/9/06

Hanging out near 4 month-old Claire: “Don’t let Claire suck on your toes.”  --11/30/06

(In the back yard) “You may not feed her dirt!” (Claire, 9 months, in her walker, eating away happily.)  --5/2/07

(Two years old, during dinner) “Feet do not belong in your macaroni.”  --5/6/07

I have one thing written down that I found myself saying to 14-month-old Claire: “Don’t blow your nose into your sandwich.” –9/10/07

Of course, Ruby has had strange things come out of her mouth for awhile.  When she was 2 1/2, she walked into the kitchen, sniffing, and her toddler mind deduced: “It’s not poop I smell.  It’s muffins.”  --11/27/07

One of the first funny things I remember about Ruby is from when she was about 2 years old.   Case was watching an action-filled movie one Saturday afternoon as she played near him.  She looked up to see a speeding car careen around a curve and flip multiple times, exploding into flames and finally come to a rest; a heap of smoking, twisted metal.

Ruby: “Oopsy-Daisy.”

 

Okay, on to the more recent past (it has been quite a while since I last did one of these posts).

 

A clear delineation between our oldest girls’ personalities:

Claire: “ Mom, do you know why I like to finger paint? Because I get to stick my fingers in it!”

Ruby: “I don’t like it because you have to stick your fingers in it.  I like to use a paint brush instead.”  --2/19/10

 

When we were going through this phonics program, I would have Ruby sound out a word, then use it in a sentence.  Sometimes, this made for some interesting sentences.  (*= Please don’t report us to social services.)

The word: “rat.”

The sentence: “Rats can run faster than a gentleman.”  --2/21/10

 

The word: “mat”

The sentence: “Matt at church.”  (A young man who hands out bulletins and often opens the door for us.)

Me: “Well, that Matt is spelled differently.  This is a different kind of mat, like one you keep by the door to wipe your feet.”

Ruby: “But Mom, Matt is a ‘door Matt’.”  --2/21/10

 

The word: “leg”

The sentence: “It’s like. . . you lost a leg.”  --2/26/10

 

The word: “pick”

(You think you know what’s coming here?  Don’t be too sure.)

* The sentence: “Someone picking a knife out of they’s leg.”  --3/1/10

 

( Upon my having just ordered donuts from the newly re-opened Krispy-Kreme drive-thru.)

Ruby: “Oh,  you’re so special to us!”

Claire: “You’re so special, we might keep you.”  --2/23/10

 

Ruby: “Mom, my leg hurts like it’s Italian.”

then, to clarify:

“It burns like it has Italian dressing.”  -3/16/10

 

Ruby: “When God saves my soul, I’ll be a good girl.”

Claire (scrunching up her face very seriously): “Uh, Ruby, I don’t know if that will happen.”  --3/29/10

 

Claire, commenting on Haley’s diaper as I change it: “I think she go’ed diarrhea.  I don’t think she’s out of the woods with her diarrhea.” –4/26/10

(“Her diarrhea.”  This wording is not incidental.  Haley had this issue for over 6 months—our pediatrician’s office said it wasn’t something about which they were concerned—seriously: they say it’s called “toddler diarrhea”—to which I wanted to say, “Oh, good.  So you wouldn’t mind changing her diapers, then?”  But I digress.  It was such a regular (yuk, yuk) occurrence that at one point a couple months ago, she would warn me by telling me she had “di-yer-pee-you.”)

 

Claire (watching a bird perched near our house):  “ I think he’s saying our new car looks cool to him.”

Me: “Oh really?  How do they usually say that?”

Claire: “In their heart.”  --5/25/10

 

Ruby, pulling a sesame seed off her burger’s bun: “Mom, could we plant this seed and grow a hamburger?” –6/13/10

 

Claire to Ruby (who was pretending to be a crying baby): “Shut that chunk of your face.”  --6/13/10

 

Claire, gazing at her baby brother: “Mom, I love Ian in real life.”  --8/19/10

 

Ruby to Claire, after having attended a baby shower with me: “It’s not watching a lady in a shower with her being naked.”  --9/9/10

 

Claire (to Ruby): “It’s okay.  I don’t matter.”

Me: “You don’t mind?”

Claire: “Mom, you don’t have to learn us everything.”

Me (can’t help myself): “I don’t have to teach you?”  --9/10/10

 

And for any of you who are doubtful that we have a handful-of-a –little-girl at our house, I give you the following:

Claire (a no-nonsense explanation why Ruby is crying): “I was hitting her and that reminded me that I wanted to give her a knuckle sandwich.”  (Oh yes, she did.)  --9/11/10

 

Ruby, going through my baking drawer: “Ooo, a thermometer.”

Me: “That’s a candy thermometer.”

Ruby gives an excited gasp, then places the thermometer in the nearby candy cupboard, waits a moment, studying the numbers, then, disappointed: “It’s not doing anything.”

 

Ruby, singing a Scripture song: “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved; you and your houseboat.” (household)  --9/20/10

(Which reminds me of some other songs she used to sing that gave me a chuckle—picture a 2-3 year old:  “What a Mighty God We Serve” was “What a Mighty Godly Sir!” and “I Love the Mountains, I Love the Rolling Hills” was heard as “I Love the Rolling Pins.”  Last December, “Jimmy Crack Corn” had some interesting lyrics, too: “Gimme That Bird and I Don’t Care. . . My Monsters Go Away.”)

 

Claire: “God made it rain to water the plants.”

Casey: “Yep.  You’re right.”

Claire: “I’m almost always right.”  --9/22/10

4 comments:

Karin said...

These are so cute. I love how Claire was "reminded" she wanted to give Ruby a knuckle sandwich by hitting her!

I always love these posts, and am reminded I want to write such interactions down when I have a talking little one.

You are up late (or are you up early? or for the ump-teenth time?).

Anonymous said...

I wish I had written down things you children said. I thought I would remember them, but alas!
Keep it up, Sarah!

Iris Ramos said...

This is hilarious! It's especially funny when you can picture them saying each thing. Too funny!

Debo said...

Laugh out loud! Such knowledgeable, creative and well-versed are your leading ladies.