I’ll start off with a few things I wrote down years ago, when Ruby was little and I started hearing myself say some pretty absurd things. (Sadly for these posts, I have since gotten used to saying these strange things and don’t think of writing them down anymore.)
To Ruby (21 months), while in the grocery store: “Please don’t write on the celery.” --11/9/06
Hanging out near 4 month-old Claire: “Don’t let Claire suck on your toes.” --11/30/06
(In the back yard) “You may not feed her dirt!” (Claire, 9 months, in her walker, eating away happily.) --5/2/07
(Two years old, during dinner) “Feet do not belong in your macaroni.” --5/6/07
I have one thing written down that I found myself saying to 14-month-old Claire: “Don’t blow your nose into your sandwich.” –9/10/07
Of course, Ruby has had strange things come out of her mouth for awhile. When she was 2 1/2, she walked into the kitchen, sniffing, and her toddler mind deduced: “It’s not poop I smell. It’s muffins.” --11/27/07
One of the first funny things I remember about Ruby is from when she was about 2 years old. Case was watching an action-filled movie one Saturday afternoon as she played near him. She looked up to see a speeding car careen around a curve and flip multiple times, exploding into flames and finally come to a rest; a heap of smoking, twisted metal.
Ruby: “Oopsy-Daisy.”
Okay, on to the more recent past (it has been quite a while since I last did one of these posts).
A clear delineation between our oldest girls’ personalities:
Claire: “ Mom, do you know why I like to finger paint? Because I get to stick my fingers in it!”
Ruby: “I don’t like it because you have to stick your fingers in it. I like to use a paint brush instead.” --2/19/10
When we were going through this phonics program, I would have Ruby sound out a word, then use it in a sentence. Sometimes, this made for some interesting sentences. (*= Please don’t report us to social services.)
The word: “rat.”
The sentence: “Rats can run faster than a gentleman.” --2/21/10
The word: “mat”
The sentence: “Matt at church.” (A young man who hands out bulletins and often opens the door for us.)
Me: “Well, that Matt is spelled differently. This is a different kind of mat, like one you keep by the door to wipe your feet.”
Ruby: “But Mom, Matt is a ‘door Matt’.” --2/21/10
The word: “leg”
The sentence: “It’s like. . . you lost a leg.” --2/26/10
The word: “pick”
(You think you know what’s coming here? Don’t be too sure.)
* The sentence: “Someone picking a knife out of they’s leg.” --3/1/10
( Upon my having just ordered donuts from the newly re-opened Krispy-Kreme drive-thru.)
Ruby: “Oh, you’re so special to us!”
Claire: “You’re so special, we might keep you.” --2/23/10
Ruby: “Mom, my leg hurts like it’s Italian.”
then, to clarify:
“It burns like it has Italian dressing.” -3/16/10
Ruby: “When God saves my soul, I’ll be a good girl.”
Claire (scrunching up her face very seriously): “Uh, Ruby, I don’t know if that will happen.” --3/29/10
Claire, commenting on Haley’s diaper as I change it: “I think she go’ed diarrhea. I don’t think she’s out of the woods with her diarrhea.” –4/26/10
(“Her diarrhea.” This wording is not incidental. Haley had this issue for over 6 months—our pediatrician’s office said it wasn’t something about which they were concerned—seriously: they say it’s called “toddler diarrhea”—to which I wanted to say, “Oh, good. So you wouldn’t mind changing her diapers, then?” But I digress. It was such a regular (yuk, yuk) occurrence that at one point a couple months ago, she would warn me by telling me she had “di-yer-pee-you.”)
Claire (watching a bird perched near our house): “ I think he’s saying our new car looks cool to him.”
Me: “Oh really? How do they usually say that?”
Claire: “In their heart.” --5/25/10
Ruby, pulling a sesame seed off her burger’s bun: “Mom, could we plant this seed and grow a hamburger?” –6/13/10
Claire to Ruby (who was pretending to be a crying baby): “Shut that chunk of your face.” --6/13/10
Claire, gazing at her baby brother: “Mom, I love Ian in real life.” --8/19/10
Ruby to Claire, after having attended a baby shower with me: “It’s not watching a lady in a shower with her being naked.” --9/9/10
Claire (to Ruby): “It’s okay. I don’t matter.”
Me: “You don’t mind?”
Claire: “Mom, you don’t have to learn us everything.”
Me (can’t help myself): “I don’t have to teach you?” --9/10/10
And for any of you who are doubtful that we have a handful-of-a –little-girl at our house, I give you the following:
Claire (a no-nonsense explanation why Ruby is crying): “I was hitting her and that reminded me that I wanted to give her a knuckle sandwich.” (Oh yes, she did.) --9/11/10
Ruby, going through my baking drawer: “Ooo, a thermometer.”
Me: “That’s a candy thermometer.”
Ruby gives an excited gasp, then places the thermometer in the nearby candy cupboard, waits a moment, studying the numbers, then, disappointed: “It’s not doing anything.”
Ruby, singing a Scripture song: “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved; you and your houseboat.” (household) --9/20/10
(Which reminds me of some other songs she used to sing that gave me a chuckle—picture a 2-3 year old: “What a Mighty God We Serve” was “What a Mighty Godly Sir!” and “I Love the Mountains, I Love the Rolling Hills” was heard as “I Love the Rolling Pins.” Last December, “Jimmy Crack Corn” had some interesting lyrics, too: “Gimme That Bird and I Don’t Care. . . My Monsters Go Away.”)
Claire: “God made it rain to water the plants.”
Casey: “Yep. You’re right.”
Claire: “I’m almost always right.” --9/22/10
