Why a Pregnant Woman Should Not Do the Grocery Shopping

You're probably thinking you know where this is going--a prego woman is always hungry and will impulse-buy a ton of terrible stuff.

So, maybe I should have titled this post "Why THIS Pregnant Woman Should Not Do the Grocery Shopping." It is not because of hunger or cravings. This is about brain power.

This afternoon, as Haley finished lunch beside me and the older two played happily in the back yard, I decided to do something that I rarely do nowadays: make a complete and thorough list of items based upon the sale ad. (Normally, I'll just quickly glance to see if there's anything I'd want to stock up on, and note any out-of-the ordinary items we may need. Otherwise, we get pretty much the same things every time, and I'll pay attention to pricing, choosing as we go.)

I spent a good twenty minutes on that list, noting which things and how many I should get in order to get the "10-for" pricing. Then tonight, after the kiddos were in bed, I left to do some serious shopping, where I could pay attention to the ad and leave nothing to chance (a luxury I do not have when my children are in tow).

You probably really do know where this is going now. About 45 minutes into my quest for great deals, I noticed (once again) that the price on this item did not match the price in the ad, (as well as the fact that nowhere did it say anything about a 10-for pricing ANYWHERE in the store). This had happened on a good 6 or more items, and it was now finally dawning on me what the problem might be. I searched the ad for the date and could not find it. Finally, in some very fine print I discovered what I should have suspected the first time I noticed an item not being the right price: the ad expired 2 days ago.

Made a lot of sense then. So much for my preparation and money-saving! I ended up spending another 10 minutes putting items back, and I had spent a good 10-15 minutes just wandering down isles, looking for those "participating items" that I did not usually purchase. Seriously, where do they keep the Velveeta? (Shh. Don't tell anyone that a Bradley teacher was planning to purchase Velveeta. I will have lost any respectability in the nutrition department. But maybe it counts for something that it is so rare that I buy such an item, I had no idea where to look. . . ? And that I did not ever find it, and would not buy it, now that it is not on sale? Maybe? :)

I think I just might stick to the usual mad dash (that ends up being a good hour or more) through the store with all three children, focused on getting the essentials before somebody has a melt-down.

While on the subject, is it just me, or do others find grocery shopping stressful? As if finding items is not already a problem, My biggest challenge seems to be at the end. I must simultaneously empty the cart, keep melt-downs at bay, watch that my children are still with me and baby is not trying to pitch herself head-first out of the cart, watch the cashier/cash register to make sure that the items are priced the way they were advertized, and--here's the icing on the cake: WATCH THE BAGGER LIKE A HAWK SO HE/SHE WILL NOT PUT MY BANANAS AND TOMATOES ON CANNED GOODS, AND PUT MORE CANNED GOODS ON TOP OF THEM!?!?! Do grocery stores not train baggers anymore on what items should and should not be bagged together and that absolutely, under NO circumstances, should produce (or baked goods!) be placed in the bottom layer, under hard and heavy items?!?! I try to counter-act this as much as possible by how I empty my cart (I have become very strategic in my efforts to thwart what seems to be blatant disregard for common sense). However, this is not fool-proof, as tonight reminded me.

Anyone remember Bag-N-Save? Where you buy your items, then take your cart to the bagging station and do it yourself? If I could find one nowadays, that would be fabulous.

I Was about to Post This to My Other Blog . . .

But after I finished typing it, I realized it belonged better here. And the post from this morning, which is on this blog, probably better belongs on my birth one. I'm getting confused. But I'm not going to think about it any more.

Plugging away at my Bradley certification. I have a little over a week before the 4 day workshop in Denver. Several people have advised me that the key to success in completing the Provisional Affiliate phase with Bradley is to finish the requirements and turn in the packet on the first day of the workshop so I can begin teaching right away.

Being a procrastinator, for the last four months, I have been lolling my way through a book or two here, a report or two there, and the occasional hospital evaluation. In July, I began to get more purposeful and am now tying up the loose ends (final drafts, tweaking formatting). The strangest thing is that I am not overwhelmed. I just keep plugging away though the work seems to stretch out longer and longer. This is not like me. Perhaps it is because I find the subject matter so interesting and because I am gleefully looking forward to teaching my first class, but I am usually getting pretty stressed by this point, figuring there's no way I'll be able to do it all.

At least that's how it is in my house most of the time. The girls and I have been home today to try to get the house back together, put away laundry, cook 20 pounds of chicken and catch up on dishes. And I've managed to cook the chicken and run a dishwasher load so far, but the house looks no better than it did yesterday. And I'm starting to give up on the "putting the house back together" idea as I sit here for a breather, the day half-over.

Case has been working long hours the last couple weeks. One night last week, he didn't get home till 2 a.m. (then promptly turned around to go back at 7 a.m.). Today, he packed some clothes in case it gets late enough that he should just stay the night. The project they're working on should be done in another month or so.

Funny thing is that though it is not exactly great timing, in some ways it is the perfect timing. He's not home most evenings, which makes it more conducive for me to study and catch up on certification work. And I don't feel as badly if the house is in utter disarray (which it has been more than a few times), since he is not here to see it much. I am able to enjoy some time with the girls during the day, knowing that I have a chunk of time to work on my homework after they go to bed. (Much of my stress, I find, comes from feeling like I'm being prevented from doing what I should be doing. Of course, this would be faulty thinking on my part to feel like my children are "in the way" of me doing my "real work," but it really helps to have time carved out for such a purpose. It doesn't hang over me like a huge weight like it would if I were just trying to fit it in here and there.)

The last few weeks, Case and I have reinstated my weekly "night off," which kinda went by the wayside after about a month of doing it in May. Being able to get away has contributed a great deal to my progress with the reading and reports. Strange how a few hours away from home can make such a dent in a pile of work. Oh, and it also refreshes me to have a break from parenting once in a while. Sometimes, just an hour or two will help me regain the desire to jump back in with newness of purpose and passion. But if it's been too long since I've had a break, as my dear friend has observed, by the time we realize I need a break, I am already "broken." The key is to catch it before it gets that bad. Otherwise I feel like I need a few days away, not just an hour.

Claire and Haley are up and we're going to fold the laundry and cut up and freeze the chicken. Well, maybe just I will.

Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

Most of my life, I've wondered how on earth I could be a perfectionist, when my life and surroundings are so far from perfect.

And what of the mess in at least one room of my house at all times? Years ago, I wouldn't have believed it was due to perfectionist tendencies.

Alas, I am an all-or-nothing person. Since I was a child, I would start cleaning my out-of-control room by pulling everything out of my drawers or closet and begin organizing from the inside out. But I always ran out of steam long before I even put my drawer/closet contents back, and the ensuing mess was all-the-more discouraging, so I would not try to clean my room again for quite some time.

I am not proud to admit that my life today is not much different. Tuesday afternoon, as I was cleaning house, I caught myself organizing two drawers in an effort to fit a blanket that I wanted to put away (all-the-while, my house is aflame with a dozen visible "hotspots"--a term for horizontal surfaces that call me to pile more and more stuff there). I don't even realize how far I'm going out of the way of my first intentions until I find that one thing that started the cascade of insanity hours later, while wondering how I can be so tired and yet cannot point to one thing I have accomplished today. "And why isn't that blanket put away, either? I should have at least done that!"

My friend once told me I reminded her of the farmer who went to plow the lower forty (but he noticed the barn door was coming off its hinges, so he went to fix it, but then found that one of his tools wasn't working right, so he started to fix that. . . on and on until the sun had set and he realized he did not do anything all day). My friend was so right! I have to keep on top of myself, or I will inadvertently start doing this; it's in my nature.

Which is why I have decided to take up FLYing once again. (Of course this comment from my husband helped: "You were at the top of your game a couple years ago when you were doing FlyLady.")

As much as I don't agree with the whole "F.L.Y." thing (the theory that the reason we sidetracked people have problems is because we haven't yet learned the art of "Finally Loving Yourself." LOL! As my friend, LC says, "I was pretty fond, actually.") it is what has made a difference in my "if I can't do everything, I won't do anything" thinking, which is (for me) where most of the battle lies.

No, I really don't think it has to do with needing to love myself. That is an inborn human trait that is nothing to be proud of and is certainly not necessary to work toward. (Can I get an amen?) Rather, my problem is about having skewed priorities and overthinking, instead of just doing. You people who know me are smiling at how true this is, aren't you?

I am starting with even babier steps than she gives to help my thinking be more and more "can do" instead of "I don't have time to clean the world, so I'm not going to bother sweeping around the table." Just setting the timer and doing her fifteen minute challenges is so helpful and keeps me focused. "I am emptying the dishwasher, not making tea for dinner or hanging up Ruby's jacket. I am emptying the dishwasher," I remind myself in my head.

Any born organized person is probably perplexed at the need for a system to get me to start something. It might sound strange, but people like me go about ten steps ahead (in our minds) of what we're about to do and get discouraged before we even start.

This is how my mind works in regard to cleaning the house: "I need to vacuum (the entire house), but I want to dust (the entire house) before I do that, and there are toys and things all over the carpet (in the entire house) that I need to pick up. If I vacuum, it only makes sense to not allow dirt to be tracked from one kind of flooring to another, therefore I need to clean the hard floors, too (of course all the hard floors in the entire house: if I'm getting out the mop and water, I need to make it worth my time). So I'd better make sure that I sweep the front and back porches so we don't track in dirt from the outside, but I simply do not have hours to do this, so I'll have to wait till later."

This is actually a simplified list of what goes on in my head. All cleaning ends up being connected, and I hope it is understood that I was not joking about my all-or-nothing thinking. I literally think that way.

So Flylady helps get my rear in gear and when I start to see that one thing actually does make a difference, I am encouraged to do more here and there, which, when added up sure looks like a clean house!

If You Weren't Aware That Home Decor Is Not My Forte

I give you

Duplo Guy

He has been standing in the niche at our stairwell since my brother built him and put him there 3 weeks ago.

We have been in this house for 8 months now.


The niche used to look like this before we moved in. (BTW: we also have absolutely nothing on the overlook where these lovely plants once sat.)

And yet, I am unmoved to fill this lonely niche with something actually decorative. (Although blogging about it keeps it on my mind enough that I just might!)

I can appreciate beautifully decorated houses, but I have no idea how to go about doing something beautiful to mine.

And I'm strangely dead-set against looking in a magazine and copying something. Too unoriginal. I guess I'd rather have no decor than something I copied (save, of course, the guest room paint job in our last house. Thanks for the tips, Mom!). I am not opposed to others doing such things. In fact, I mean it as a compliment when I say someone's house looks like it came out of a magazine. I just feel like my fraudulence is waving a huge banner: "Look at me! I'm pretending I know something about home beautification!"

As I alluded to earlier, my family visited a few weeks ago. It feels strange saying that, since it was only three people, but I guess I can still say "my family" visited. My parents watched the girls for us one evening so I could take Casey to dinner for his birthday (paid for out of his gift fund--perhaps I'll post about that someday).

Right before we left, Case took this picture of everyone being way into the children's movie. Good times for all!

Is it me, or do my children look scared of bubbles?

Haley (five months now!) just figured out the reaching and grabbing thing this week. Until now, this is how she's been teething on things. Poor girl. Babies this young shouldn't have teeth. They simply do not have the resources. (Or knowledge of what is okay to teethe on and what isn't, if you get my drift.)

Ruby is enjoying her dance classes. They are doing a Christmas show and we aren't signing up Ruby. She is the only girl in her class who is not doing the show. She, fortunately, is not aware of a Christmas show and does not have pressure to be in it. (Ms. Diedre is so good about just teaching them things and not telling them what it's for--at least for now.) I, however, am asked by other moms every week if Ruby is doing the show. I can't believe how much peer pressure there is to deal with as an adult!

As fun as pictures are, there's nothing quite so entertaining as a bunch of two-and three-year-olds tap dancing! (Ruby's in the black/leopard leotard.)

Why Blog Now?

Last month, Casey sent me away to the coffee shop to have a break from two of my children and blog. I ended up writing a two-part essay starting with the following. At the time, I hadn't started this particular blog. Now that I'm not posting these kinds of things on my other blog, this is where this essay belongs now. I hope it's not too confusing.

The recent passing of my blog’s first anniversary causes me to reflect on the irony that I have been posting to it pretty regularly NOW THAT I DON’T HAVE TIME. When I first started a blog last summer—mother of two toddlers, not yet pregnant with a third—I was adamant that I would not be blogging regularly until I learned how to function on less sleep or somehow got organized enough to not have the management of blogdom take priority over other things that should remain important—i.e. the loving care of my husband, children and home. Do I suddenly have it together, now that my life is busier than ever? Has the addition of number three finally pushed me over to “Personality Type A,” (my husband wishes!) and I have it all figured out now? Have I learned to thrive (happy-hearted) on less than 6 hours of interrupted sleep? Is it because I now find myself—midmorning—with my soft, supple ped-egged feet up, twiddling my moisturized and well-manicured thumbs; my house sparkling, a three-course dinner ready to be served in a half-hour’s time, my children’s every physical and emotional need met, all the heart-oriented training complete for the day? Not hardly.

I am struggling (like I was then), trying to find the balance between keeping some sense of order in the home, without it being the end-all of my existence (we DO need underwear, people!), and almost 24/7 meeting four other human’s needs (some more demanding than others!). It’s probably safe to say that most days, that’s about all I do. I’m not trying to paint a woe-is-me picture, but I believe it is good to be completely honest so as not to create unrealistic expectations for those who have yet to experience these unrelenting demands of motherhood. And I have no desire to try to be Super Mom. Sometimes, I wonder if God’s purpose for me in all of this, among other things, is to help others be encouraged if they are able to do more—or better—than I. There should be MANY encouraged women, if that be the case! Maybe it’s a testimony of what is possible, if God gives EVEN ME the grace to get through each day.

So, in no way am I any more “together” than any acquaintance can remember me. In all this, there are several points that stand out to me as to why I’m blogging now. The first is that with time, like money, you can afford (within reason) what you *choose* to afford. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few examples on the money side:

• I know several moderately-earning-one-income-“we-don’t-do-debt” couples who give lavish, high-quality gifts.
• We also know people who do not have much of an income at all who eat out a great deal (at least from my perspective).
• When I was growing up, my friends, upon opening our freezer, exclaimed: “OOOOh, you have Cool Whip? Your Dad must have a steady job!” They really thought we were rich to have such a thing, even though the reason their parents didn’t buy Cool Whip was because they didn’t like it!

On the time side:

• I can't count the number of times I have heard (sometimes from my own lips) regarding personal Bible Study or memorizing verses: "I don't have the time."
• Casey will sometimes decide to hire something out because his time is actually more scarce than money right now. (Oil changes, lawn mowing, fixing problems with our rental house, etc.)
• I don't wear makeup most days. Only once or twice a week do I take the time to put on my contacts and makeup. It just isn't a priority to me (or my husband--he likes it now and then, but would rather me be low-maintentance and out the door sooner!)

My point is, what is important to us--time or money-wise--we afford. Everyone has at least a few examples of how they either do or do not afford something based more on values than a true ability to afford it.

Following the idea of time and money being more about priorities than amount, brings me to my next point: in the full-time career of homemaking with young children, one finds it almost necessary for the sake of sanity to do SOMETHING which—at the end of the day—STAYS DONE.

When I was single, a dear friend of mine, a homemaker with four young children, would often tell me of the elusiveness of “accomplishment,” especially within this particular season of life. A quick review of just a few of the responsibilities I have reminds me of this:

• Meal prep (x3)
• bathing, dressing—and the inevitable laundry production of—all of us
• diapering and/or wiping bottoms
• paying bills
• washing dishes
• grocery shopping
• decluttering and cleaning house
• disciplining and training children

The significance of this list is this: all of these things will need to be done again; if not tomorrow, then next week. (Save bottom-wiping. I try to do that whenever it is offered.) The phrase “a woman’s work is never done” surely applies here.

So in all the working, serving, planning and execution (not literally, though don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind :), sweating, thankless cycle of full-time motherhood, I not only have the need for accomplishment met, but I am able to also express myself somewhat freely (and don’t forget uninterruptedly!) through blogging. Here, in blogdom, I find expression and conclusion. I also often find encouragement and fellowship.