Validation for SAHMs—The Job ain’t Easy

Recently, I found myself in conversation with a few relative strangers.  Talk was of a project and a timeline and the question was asked, could anyone meet the deadline in a few days?  One woman piped up,

“I can’t do it.  I’m off work tomorrow, which means that I have all three kids all day . . . ”

—and the clincher, (apparently, though I was surprised, since I’m not often privy to this perspective)—

“all by myself;

my husband won’t even be there to help me.”

She went on to say something about how on those days, all she can do is brush her teeth.

There you have it.  Have you ever wondered if it’s just you?  If this parenting thing is supposed to be easy, and is for everyone else, but you just haven’t figured it out yet?

Personally, this statement hit me like a fresh breeze: so other people think this job is hard?  Okay, maybe I’m not that crazy to feel overwhelmed at some point(s) on any given day (and all day on others). 

And it puts being able to have “all the kids all day” and also accomplish something more than brushing my teeth into the WOW! category (if you’re like me, all that may be is a shower on some days!).

Shortly after we moved to our current house a couple years ago, a neighbor confided to me that she was going back to work for the sole reason that being a SAHM was too difficult (she had two children: a four-year-old and a two-year-old).  She told me, “I don’t know how you do it, but  I just can’t do it anymore.” whispering to add, “It’s easier to go back to work.”

These two statements echo in my mind (I treasure them, if you want to know the truth!) reminding me that though the perception is that being a full-time wife/mom/homemaker is taking the easy way out, it is simply not so.

Hope these statements brighten my mama friends’ days, too; including former SAHMs (Mom).

These comments dovetail well with an article I read a couple years ago, from which I have this excerpt:

“So look, in the interest of truth-telling, I'm telling you this: people are not being honest about what it's like to be with kids. People are scared to admit that they would rather be at work than with their kids, because work is easier than parenting. (Notable exception: Sally Krawcheck.) If I have to read about how much someone loves their kids one more time, I'm gonna puke. Because we all know that parents love their kids. It's not interesting. It's not helpful. It's not even very relevant. For anyone.

“What's interesting is the part where parents love their kids but don't love being with them on a daily basis. It's very scary to write. But I'm telling you, if the feeling weren't ubiquitous then there would be no one to be in middle management working 9-5 because they'd all be home with their kids, doing freelance work after bedtime.”

For more (including a challenge to the myth of Super Mom; that one can do it all), read her entire article here: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/06/10/the-hardest-part-of-my-job-is-that-everyone-lies-about-parenting/

Full-time parenting: effortless, no!

This Post has Pictures!

The girls and I were invited to a friend’s for lunch while Casey was out of town this week, and this is what awaited us.  I was so touched.

We had couscous with avocado slices and the best Panini sandwiches I’ve ever had: turkey, provolone and pepper-jack cheeses, sautéed roasted red bell peppers and sundried tomatoes.  Delicious!

I asked T’s other guest to take pictures for me, because the presentation was so beautiful.  T is especially known for her creativity and eye for beauty, but I cannot get over how easily this type of thing comes to her.  She truly has a gift!  One that I certainly do not have (sadly) but I do appreciate!  It’s easy to forget how important presentation can be, since I pay so little attention to it myself, but this luncheon really reminded me how much difference it makes when attention is paid in this area.  I felt so spoiled, loved and well-hosted.

T’s presentation didn’t stop with the adults: she had this cute table set up for Claire and Haley, and even made place tags for them!  They feasted on turkey sandwiches and macaroni—YUM!

Here’s Ian close to a month ago, back when we were still spending long afternoons outside, picnicking on the back porch and playing in the water table.  (It has since gotten colder and we no longer spend ANY time on our northern-exposure back porch!)

This water table was a great idea, Sandy.  Thanks for pushing for it for over a year!  Sorry I didn’t give in to you earlier.  It has provided many hours of enjoyment.

My life.  (To my housekeeping chagrin, this love seat spends little time sans laundry.)

Ruby is all about “doing” school.

Playing hooky under the table is more along Claire’s lines of thinking.  I’ll nearly always allow her to opt out, and she almost always does, but once we go along without her, she comes back saying things like, “Well, I didn’t know you were going to use a jump rope!”  It’s all good, either way.  She and Haley are picking up so many things, just being around “school.”  This last week, I often heard Haley saying the days of the week and once-in-a-while, she’ll get the pointer and butcher the months of the year or the alphabet, all bossy-like.  It’s so cute.

I cannot. Stop. Kissing this guy.

For about a month now, Haley will pee on the potty on a whim.  She (and the other girls) get a Skittle (yes, we have bought them in bulk!) whenever the fancy takes her, but we are not officially potty training just yet.  I really do wait until they pretty much train themselves.  No power struggles, no drawn-out stuff.  It’s a battle I’m not willing to fight, and I’m okay with having kids in diapers for 6 more months than “usual” if it means we agreeably sail into total big-kid mode in little time.

Casey took the training wheels off Ruby’s bike last weekend.  She loves how fast she can now go!

(Can you tell I’m just going through our pictures for the last month?  Random, I know.  Casey switched the camera from taking pictures in raw format, so I’m catching up!)

In lieu of really camping, we made indoor s’mores this week.  It may be awhile before we camp again as a family.  I think the last time was sometime after we had Claire.

Ian is now four months old.  (And I still haven’t posted his birth story—I know.)  At his well-check on Wed, he was 16 pounds, 10 oz and 26 1/2 inches.   He is still a super-contented baby, but teething is now in full force, and he has been known to complain a little.  Still sweet as ever, though.  Two weeks ago, I got to enjoy my first time away from all children (2 hours: grocery shopping, but I loved it!).  About a week before that, Ian stayed with Casey (napping) while Ruby and I grocery shopped for my first hour away from my sweet little tub of testosterone.

Ian sleeps through the night, and it is a wonderful blessing.  Something I did not expect for awhile longer, but God was so gracious to have him start doing so at the beautiful age of 8 weeks without scheduling.  Generally, he’ll go a good 7-9 hours straight.  The ironic thing is that Haley has started waking for a 2 a.m. feeding every night for the last 2 weeks!

Yes, Haley is still nursing.  Correction: Haley is still breastfeeding.  No latching on for a few seconds here.  It’s interesting to think that when I went to my Bradley teacher training in September of 2009 and was gone from 16-month-old Haley for 5 days, I sadly expected she’d end up weaning because of it.  But here we are, over a year later, and she’s more into nursing than she was then!  Never, never, ever would I have believed you if you had told me that I would one day tandem breastfeed.  Would my sisters like to know what has happened to my cycle due to nursing two children?  Take a guess, ladies.  (It’s certainly not intuitive.)